Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
