Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
