Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
