Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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