Whod you bang
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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