FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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