At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
