i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
