this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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