Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
