I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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