gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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