New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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