Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
