I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Umm I'm too high to move.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
