Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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