Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
