He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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