a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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