We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Randomize
