its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
