A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
