my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
