none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just cropdusted the office
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
