His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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