I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
