People in love make me want to vomit
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
