Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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