so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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