is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize