That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
