I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
