Yo dont text me then not text me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
