I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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