I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
