I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
