genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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