so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
