Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
