Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize