Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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