just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
