I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
