someone owes me an orgasm
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
