Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Congratulations! We have a period
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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