I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
