i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
