If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
