somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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