Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
