im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize