Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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