We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
