this beer tastes like vomit already
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
