I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
