I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize