Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
