it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
