is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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