Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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