I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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