I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
