My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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