Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
