I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
