I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
