he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
