if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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