pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
