you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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