guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
